


chassé

by fir8008



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Canon Compliant, EXO's Showtime, M/M, Pining, Songfic, lol i wrote this in 2013 ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 03:11:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11614662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fir8008/pseuds/fir8008
Summary: three steps of a public private breakupOriginally three parts of an abandoned drabble challenge





	1. super psycho love

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter originally published on AsianFanfics as part of a collection entitled "Twenty-Five" on November 9, 2013

“Tell me how I mesmerize you. I love you and despise you. Back to the crowd where you ignore me, bedroom eyes to those before me.” – Simon Curtis

 

As a teenage boy, and a whiny one at that, Oh Sehun hated being ignored. He hated it even more that the person who constantly ignored him, his so-called boyfriend, acted like such a complete skank sometimes. It wasn’t Luhan’s fault that he looked like a twelve year old girl and was therefore considered ridiculously attractive, but it was Luhan’s fault that he seemed to capitalize on his attractiveness by acting easy. Sehun hated it. Sehun hated Luhan most of the time.

All Sehun wanted to do was let people know that Luhan was his. Moreover, Sehun wanted Luhan to understand that Sehun wanted something monogamous, that he liked Luhan and didn’t want to share him.

“I fucking like you, Luhan. Stop messing around.”

Luhan glowered. “I’m not your property.”

“You’re my boyfriend. Remember, we’re dating? I think I have some say.”

“We’re celebrities, baby. We belong to the public.”

Sometimes Sehun wished he had run away a little faster from that casting agent. He wished he’d said no. He wished he’d never met Luhan. He wished he could just walk away from Luhan and his unfaithfulness and his push-and-pull and have it not hurt. But Sehun knew breaking up would hurt him more than it would hurt Luhan, so what was the point?

Sehun was a teenager. He was filled with horrible desperation to be loved. He wanted Luhan to want him as badly as Sehun wanted Luhan. That’s all he wanted. He was sick of getting pushed to the side for others. Was he too young? Did Luhan play him for a fool? He hated everything about Luhan’s stupid plastic smile and eyes that could turn from twinkling to smoldering in a second. He hated Luhan’s blonde ringlets that never looked straggly or damaged. He hated Luhan.

“What the hell don’t you get about ‘I don’t want to share you,’ Luhan?” Sehun screamed.

“You’re a needy little brat.” Luhan spat out. “Stop acting like a bitch.”

“I want to be your boyfriend. I don’t want you looking at other people. Is that so much to ask?”

“We’re in a boy band, Sehun. Half of our power comes from the fans wanting us all to fuck around with one another. If we do that, our music sells. I want success, fuck your feelings.”

“You’re a shithead. I hate you.”

“You’re the one that wants me so bad.”

“So I mean nothing to you? Why drag me along if you don’t feel anything?”

“You’re cute.” Luhan’s voice held no affection.

“Go to hell.”

Sehun hated Luhan and everything about him. He hated the feeling of being used. He hated it all.


	2. 4 in the morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter originally published on AsianFanfics as part of a collection entitled "Twenty-Five" on November 29, 2013

_Waking up to find another day. The moon got lost again last night. But now the sun has finally had its say; I guess I feel alright. But it hurts, when I think, when I let it sink in. It’s all over me._

 

Sehun clutched the pillow tighter to his chest. Everything hurt. It hurt to know that he was being used by the one person he really liked. He had joined the company as an impressionable young boy and he had fostered a kind of hero-worship for Luhan. Bright, shining Luhan. He’d grown to love Luhan, who had once doted on him so sweetly. They used to be closer, spending afternoons drinking bubble tea and taking walks by Han River. They were poor trainees together and Sehun prayed they could debut together.

 

_I’m lying here in the dark, I’m watching you sleep. It hurts a lot. And all I know is you’ve got to give me everything. Nothing less ‘cause you know I give you all of me._

 

Sehun’s wish had been granted at the cost of losing his pre-debut Luhan. Part of Sehun thought he should have known better. Luhan had auditioned at other companies before getting casted; Luhan wanted to be an idol. Sehun hadn’t. He was more concerned about filling his stomach than becoming a celebrity. Becoming an idol was a dream that developed for Sehun. He couldn’t really sing, but he loved to dance. He was just happy to do that much for what had become SM’s most anticipated boy band.

 

_I give you everything that I am. I’m handing over everything that I’ve got because I want to have a really true love; don’t ever want to have to go and give you up._

 

After debut they were separated. Luhan was to be part of the Chinese sub-group while Sehun was to stay in Korea with the Korean sub-group. The physical distance hurt, but not nearly as much as the emotional distance. His Luhan was replaced with Exo-M’s Luhan. And unlike the other members of Exo-M who bore stage names, Luhan’s onstage persona followed him offstage. Exo-M’s Luhan didn’t dote on Sehun. Exo-M’s Luhan was cold and indifferent to Sehun. That hurt.

 

_Stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring and I want to make it worth the fight. What have we been doing for all this time? If we’re gonna do it baby, come on, do it right._

 

Sehun wiped his wet eyes on his pillow. He had tried so damn hard to find his Luhan beneath the façade that was Exo-M’s Luhan. Fans thought they were so close, so cute together because they’d shot teasers together. And maybe they were. But fans thought Luhan and Xiumin looked cute together too. They were the same age and played soccer together. Luhan kicked Sehun aside to flirt easily with everyone else in the band. Sehun pined for the Luhan he knew and loved.

 

_All I wanted was to know I’m safe, don’t want to lose the love I found. Remember when you said that you would change? Don’t let me down._

 

Sehun was a teenager. He was as emotionally mature as a spoon. All he understood was that Luhan didn’t want him and that ripped him apart. His feelings ruled him. When Luhan petted him, his moods soared. Without Luhan, he was stone-faced and bratty. He just wanted affection.

“Management wants you to wipe that constipated look off your face.” Suho hissed at him in the van. “They don’t care _why_ you have no facial expressions, only that it changes.”

“You know why, hyung.” Sehun hissed back. Suho was the leader, and the hyung Sehun trusted as a confidant.

“Yeah, but do you think they care about that? You leave Oh Sehun offstage and you become Exo-K’s Sehun onstage or else you and the manager are visiting the office.” Suho snapped.

Sehun clenched his jaw together, fucking determined to look as expressionless as possible.

 

_It’s not fair, how you are. I can’t be complete. Can you give me more? Oh, please, you know what I need. Save all your love up for me. We can’t escape the love. Give me everything that you have._

 

Sehun’s cheek stung.

“Stop being a brat.” The manager growled. “Everyone spoils you enough.”

Sehun stared back defiantly, ignoring his smarting face.

The manager slapped him again, the noise ringing in the empty room. “I don’t care what the problem is. You sort it out at home. Don’t bring that shit onstage. This company is bending over backwards to ensure this group’s success. Don’t be the reason we have problems.”

Luhan, Sehun thought bitterly, was the real problem.

 

_I give you everything that I am. I’m handing over everything that I’ve got because I want to have a really true love; don’t ever want to have to go and give you up._

 

Sehun wiped his eyes and rolled onto his back. It hurt. Why couldn’t he hurt Luhan the same way Luhan hurt him? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Luhan could waltz in and out of his life without enduring the same kinds of emotional scars that Sehun endured.

Sehun just wanted love. He just wanted Luhan. God, if there was one thing Sehun wanted it was Luhan. He wanted Luhan’s smile and kisses and love. He wanted Luhan and bubble tea dates and strolls by Han River. He wanted Luhan. He just wanted Luhan.

Sehun choked back a sob, clutching his pillow closer.

God, was that so much to ask?

 

_Stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring and I want to make it worth the fight. What have we been doing for all this time? If we’re gonna do it, come on, do it right._


	3. never end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter originally published on AsianFanfics as part of a collection entitled "Twenty-Five" on February 4, 2014.

“ _I’m sorry for only seeing traces of scars in you and treating you thoughtlessly. I should’ve treated you well when I was with you. I should’ve tightly held your hand_.” – ZE:A

 

Sehun attaches himself to Suho in the meantime and ignores Luhan whenever he can. Suho is accommodating. He allows the _maknae_ to cling to his side like a baby koala. Unfortunately, they’re promoting together this time around and the dorm is filled to the brim. It’s always noisy as the members get resituated. Luhan and Xiumin spend most of their time together. The fans notice. Sehun can’t bring himself to give half of a shit even though Kris, who is the only one who understands half of what the fans post online, begs him to please be more civil with Luhan. They’re going to start filming a reality show soon; it’ll look bad if there’s tension.

Suho prods him to be civil as well, so Sehun slaps a Band-Aid (a high elastic Band-Aid) on his aching, bleeding heart and plays nice. Luhan is still nearly conjoined with Xiumin, so Sehun doesn’t worry too much. Sehun starts branching out to other members, especially his fellow _maknaes_. There’s a feeling of solidarity there: all three of them get pushed around and overlooked, it’s part of being the “babies” of the group.

For the reality show, they go to a haunted house. It doesn’t bother Sehun too much. He thinks ghosts are dumb and he knows the house is full of actors, not real ghosts. Tao picks him to accompany him into the haunted house. Though he squashes it, Sehun is worried about Luhan. Luhan is afraid of a lot of things and is easily startled. He’s going into the house with D.O. so Sehun is slightly at ease.

The first time Luhan screams, Chen scoffs mightily at it (“Manly, my ass!”) and everyone laughs. Sehun has to force it out and he knows later that his concerned face is going to grace the internet. He can’t help it. Luhan can mistreat him all he wants, but he still owns shards of Sehun’s heart and those shards are going to beat only for his _hyung_. Luhan’s screams continue and Sehun’s face grows graver and graver. When D.O. comes out alone (“I left him behind!”) Sehun’s stomach constricts worriedly. When Luhan fails to come out, D.O. runs back in and Sehun longs to accompany him. How could D.O. have done something so careless as to leave Luhan – who was no doubt petrified with sheer terror – alone in the haunted house? Sehun seethed in his chair. D.O. was supposed to be a mother hen. What mother hen would leave one of its hatchlings in danger?

When Luhan finally emerged he was pale as death and sans D.O. The members scolded him for coming out alone, and Sehun’s heart squeezed as Luhan turned back into the house to retrieve D.O. Luhan, despite his obvious flaws, was loyal. Sehun only wished Luhan were loyal to him.

“You two should make up.” Suho said offhandedly, back at the dorm, when the cameras were finally gone for the day.

“I don’t want to.” Sehun replied sulkily. “He doesn’t want me.”

“Are you jealous of Minseok- _hyung_?”

“How can I not be? Luhan acts so naturally around him. Why can’t he be like that around me?”

“They’re the same age, Sehunnie. And they lived together in China too.” Suho sighed. “The fans are noticing the changes in dynamics. I don’t want to pressure you into doing anything, but the fans like you and Luhan being together. Can’t you just be his friend, Sehun?”

“He left so many scars on me. I don’t want to let him in again. I’m trying to push him away, but it’s so hard.”

Suho patted Sehun’s hand softly. “You’re not under any pressure. Just remember that. I’m always here to listen.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

Luhan, from his concealed place, frowned. Something was hurting in his chest. His Sehunnie was moving along without him. He was unneeded. Sehun wasn’t happy with Luhan by his side. Luhan… Luhan had done wrong by Sehun. Toying with his feelings, being insincere… Luhan had been the bad guy all along.

Luhan thought Sehun was exaggerating. He was being a needy teenager. Luhan was older, he should’ve known better. Sehun wanted his love and his attention. Luhan was stupid to ignore it. Now Sehun was moving on without him. Sehun was wrong. Luhan had scars too.

So this is what regret tastes like.


End file.
